I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
