Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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