the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
