We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
