Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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