Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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