I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
