Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
