im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
