I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
