My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
