i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
