Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
