We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
sex in a hospital.. check
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
