I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
