we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
