Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
