Will you blow on my dice?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
