It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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