so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
