At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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