it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
