So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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