I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
