I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
