I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
