Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
