A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
