dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
