Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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