We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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