I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
