Are we in a gay sports bar?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
