Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
