my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
