What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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