she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
