omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
