tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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