too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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