go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want a musical about memes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
