So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
