using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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