Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
