Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
