oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
