He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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