I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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