my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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