By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
